I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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