So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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