there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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