i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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