My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
