She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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