I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
