she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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