I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
