Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
