i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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