oh god the rape fog is back!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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