Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
barbara walters just said penis...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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