Where did you get a picture of my penis
i love accidental penises.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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