you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize