I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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