I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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