i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
