So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
