That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
