Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
