Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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