So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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