Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
