I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
