me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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