she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
