dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
