Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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