So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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