Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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