what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
