She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
