cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
