I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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