Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
