Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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