..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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