I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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