I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
