You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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