I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
