Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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