How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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