OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
