This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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