you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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