i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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