I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
