were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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