How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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