perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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