I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
