the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
