Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
