I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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