I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize